emotions – Dear Jo-Anne

Float and Recover

Image Credit: Ryan Moreno via Unsplash.

Written by H. WEND. May 6th, 2023.

What is something you would tell your younger self?

I’ve tried to answer it plenty of times before wondering what I would be trying to achieve if this scenario were real and possible. I’ve realised two things: first, that maybe nothing I could say would impact anything, and second, if anything were to be impacted, who is to say things would have gone a better way or the way I wanted?

I’ve been thinking a lot about recovery—the phase that follows disaster. We know we often cannot control the things we encounter and suffer from, but we tend to forget that some of the best things have come from struggle. If only we let ourselves recover. This is the part that is often skipped.

I’ve been thinking that what I’m learning now—in this part of my life—is something I would share with my younger self, who was about to experience a lot of hard things. I wouldn’t hope for a different outcome, but, at the very least, I’d be better prepared.

This important lesson I’m learning at almost 30 years old is about permission to recover.

“David Kessler and Brené on Grief and Finding Meaning” | Unlocking Us with Brené Brown

Image Credit: Vasilina Sirotina via Unsplash,

Written by H. WEND. January 27th, 2023.

The Podcast

Unlocking Us with Brené Brown is the podcast that drew me into the podcast world. In fact, it was this very episode that I listened to first which means this podcast is special!

Miss Harvey’s Grief

Image Credit: Alexander Grey via Unsplash.

Written by H. WEND. January 12th, 2023.

Miss Harvey was a young teacher, in her early to mid twenties. She had short red hair and freckles. I adored her. She was beautiful, upbeat and goofy. She was my kindergarten teacher.

One day, Miss Harvey came in and she was quiet. Throughout the morning it became more apparent that something was wrong.

‘I Dreamt of You’ — by H. WEND

Image Credit: Ithalu Dominguez via Pexels.

Written by H. WEND. January 5th, 2023.

Today marks 4 years since my mum’s passing, which seems absolutely surreal. Today, I thought I’d share a piece of writing I made recently in thought of her.

I Dreamt of You

by H. WEND

The sky nearing sunset,
We sat on a hill;
Our favourite place.
Lush green grass beneath us,
A bed of sunflowers.
Just us and the world.
As it had always been.
We were watching the sky,
As the sun began to fall;
Soft pink and orange hues,
Purple ink bled through scattered clouds.
I saw the evening light touch your face…
Your skin, your green speckled eyes–
Illuminated by the light.
It was as if,
Maybe,
You had never left.
The wind blew a gentle breeze.
I took a deep breath.
Suddenly, I realised the depth
Of missing you.
Desperation filled my lungs,
My heart grew heavy.
“Mum,” I whispered,
“I don’t want this to end.”
The wind grew stronger,
Singing as it swirled around us.
You smiled, took my hand in yours,
And, you said,
“We don’t have much longer,
Stay in this moment with me.”
Then you nodded toward the sunset;
An array of the most beautiful colours
Painted across the sky before us.
And us,
At the edge of night.
Our world;
Slowly fading, slowly fading.
It was painstakingly beautiful,
It was all too familiar,
It was ‘Goodbye’.
© H. WEND 2023 Dear Jo-Anne

Grief Feels Like…

17th December 2022

Grief kind of feels like that time- when I was four years old- I had terrifying nightmares and I would wake up crying and beg my mum to call the police so they could take the bad dreams away.

My mum would hold me tight and whisper softly “Hannah, everything will be okay.”

It seemed that the only relief I truly needed in that moment was to be held in my mother’s arms.

Although I look back now and find the idea of calling the police on a bad dream funny, in essence this scenario is exactly how grief sometimes feels for me.

It’s the nightmare, the inescapable agony that no one else can see or feel. There is no remedy but to hope it goes away.

Invisible, terrifying, powerful.

In my experience with grief, the difference is that this time the nightmare is real, there is no waking up and what’s worse is that I cannot be held in my mother’s arms.