It’s a warm summer night. Nothing but the rattle of a portable air-conditioning unit, seemingly at the end of its short life too, hanging on just for you.
I’ve just finished decorating the house one last time. One last Christmas we will spend together.
It’s 10.24pm. Late. I’ve never been early to sleep, or rise, but now I find it especially hard to close my eyes at night.
I sit at your bedside, observing every breath you take. Tonight you look to be having the most peaceful sleep on earth but I’m scared you will slip away at any moment. And now it has been a while since you’ve woken to speak with me, I wonder if you ever will again. I wonder if this is truly where I lose you.
Today marks 4 years since my mum’s passing, which seems absolutely surreal. Today, I thought I’d share a piece of writing I made recently in thought of her.
I Dreamt of You
by H. WEND
The sky nearing sunset, We sat on a hill; Our favourite place. Lush green grass beneath us, A bed of sunflowers. Just us and the world. As it had always been. We were watching the sky, As the sun began to fall; Soft pink and orange hues, Purple ink bled through scattered clouds. I saw the evening light touch your face… Your skin, your green speckled eyes– Illuminated by the light. It was as if, Maybe, You had never left. The wind blew a gentle breeze. I took a deep breath. Suddenly, I realised the depth Of missing you. Desperation filled my lungs, My heart grew heavy. “Mum,” I whispered, “I don’t want this to end.” The wind grew stronger, Singing as it swirled around us. You smiled, took my hand in yours, And, you said, “We don’t have much longer, Stay in this moment with me.” Then you nodded toward the sunset; An array of the most beautiful colours Painted across the sky before us. And us, At the edge of night. Our world; Slowly fading, slowly fading. It was painstakingly beautiful, It was all too familiar, It was ‘Goodbye.’
The year is coming to a close and many of us are reflecting on the year we have had and the year that is about to come.
I’m definitely the type of person to take an opportunity to turn a new leaf and set some goals. Though, if anything, I have achieved shameless persistence rather than actually completing any goals but hey, I don’t mind, persistence is also good.
For me, 2022 has been similar to years previous with just a few differences- most of them, I’m very grateful for.
This year I am grateful for all the things I’ve learned and the ways in which I was able to grow. I thought I would share just a few reflections here.
If you listen to music and even podcasts, and you use Spotify to do so, you might know about the little wrap up Spotify puts together for us at the end of the year. It’s like a fun report that contains the statistics on your listening experience throughout the year such as the number of minutes you spent listening to music or who your top artist of year is.
This year, I knew it was coming and I’m not going to lie- I’ve been looking forward to it all year with a lot of unexpected excitement. Did it surprise me? A little. Did I enjoy it? Absolutely!